I know many of you want to know how I’m doing physically, so here’s an update. I had imagined my recovery to be like a flower in winter…recluse, cold and unsure…and then suddenly in Springtime I’d flower like a rock star. Instead recovery has been more warm and outgoing one day, glimpses of the rock star strut, and then suddenly cold and reclusive again.
I think I know what it’s like to be ninety years old. Here’s my morning routine: wake up; take my pills (iron, etc); put on my slippers hoping one of them doesn’t go underneath the bed because if so I’ll have to call Tim on the cell phone to come upstairs and bend over to get it; drink a glass of warm water with lemon to stimulate bowels; take a shower; get dressed; eat breakfast in my recliner; take a walk around the upstairs to stimulate bowels; pull up all the window shades as I walk; sit in my recliner; eat prunes to stimulate bowels; nap.
I’m sure my grandmothers had that same routine.
Sleep has been challenging because (1) I am a tosser in bed and post surgery cannot lay on my front or sides; (2) I hate sleeping on my back (my only option). I’ve had at least ten different variations of pillow placement trying to get comfortable in bed and right now it seems three on my head and two under my legs works well, but if I could pay an angel off in a back alley to rid my belly of swelling and soreness so I could toss and turn again I’d do it.
This brings me to corpse pose.
This is how I’m waking up every morning. At first it bothered me that when I opened my eyes it felt as though I was about to be put in a casket and buried in the ground. Especially since when I came out of major surgery I had that “am I in Heaven?” moment and still wonder if I traveled over there for a few hours. Some mornings I wake up in a variation of corpse pose, both hands over my heart which feels less dead-like so that’s nice.
Interestingly despite the poor sleep, swelly belly, pain in my sides and other various places, tiredness, some bleeding (to be expected), and constipation (not nice), the mantra that I have been feeling ever since emerging from surgery is: I am healthy.
I am healthy.
If you’ve known me for a while you know this hasn’t been my mantra for much of my life. I thought it would only last a day, maybe two. But five days post-op this mantra is like a sticky note that won’t fall off.
I am healthy.